i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
