I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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