wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
