Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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