Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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