New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
