I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
