just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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