He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
