Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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