he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
