Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize