She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
