Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
