i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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