Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
