Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
