The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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