shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
