We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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