I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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