So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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