Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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