he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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