i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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