Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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