I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
