How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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