I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
