he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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