My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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