dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
