I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
