I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
