I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
