i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
