i think i have two assholes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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