A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
