dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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