WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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