I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.