you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.