everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.