you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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