i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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