Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
