Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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