Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
