He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
