planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
