so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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