from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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