PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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