I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
