His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I supernannyed him into submission
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
