how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think your dad took our porno
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
