Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
