I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
