a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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