I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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