I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
