Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
